This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
