You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
