FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
