I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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