After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
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Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
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All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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