last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
