We won't sleep together?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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