I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
