some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
