i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
