he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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