Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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