I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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