i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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