I puked a lego.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
