My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
