opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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