Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
where am i from again
He kissed a someone with a penis
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
