and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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