Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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