i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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