youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So I just went to clothing optional bar
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
