If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
