I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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