There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
