Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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