How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
