Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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