You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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