i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
