Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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