I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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