why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
