Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
