And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
