She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
