I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
