ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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