i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
