This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
