Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
