I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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