just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
