your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
