i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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