i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
as a side note pls kill me
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