Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
