I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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