Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
