I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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