He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
