You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize