I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
