do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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