This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
