Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
