id be glad to
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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