So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
