our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
