I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
