thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
