Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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