According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
