Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
sex in a hospital.. check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize