he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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