someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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